Questionnaire:)

A:  FAVORITE SMELLS-  baked cookies, flowers,woods, things that remind me of other things
B: Can you go a day without coffee? - yes but I would rather not.
C: Last movie you watched?- Home Alone
D: The person who understands you the most?- my mother:)
E: Do you have a crush on anyone?- That's funny because any other day I would've answered yes I do on______, but I don't on anyone . Which is nice crushes are exhausting;)
F:  Do you listen to the Beatles?- Yes! I need to listen to more of their songs!
G: One color you would wear for the whole year?- Preferably purple because I love that color, though thinking more fashionably, red, it's a neutral.
H: Last song you listened to?- Same Mistakes- Echo Friendly
I:  Do you sew?- I'm obsessed with sewing! The old lady in me comes out!
J: Favorite fruit?- mangoes
K: Do you cook often?-  no.
L: Are you health cautious? - I'm aware that I need to eat healthier. But do I? No!
M: Do you curse a lot? -  yes, it's a problem.
N: Certain food you crave for no reason?-  Nutella. I have a reason, it's delicious!
O: Pro life or Pro choice? - Pro choice, woman's body woman's choice :)
P: Last book you purchased? - Vouge magazine
Q: Do you shave your pits? - yes, against feminist rules.....
R:  Ever had a broken bone? - never ever
S: How do you like your eggs?- sunny side up :)
T: Where was your Last vacation?-  St. Louis
U: Last argument? - mother. Who else?
V: First job? -Junior Camp Counselor at YMCA!!
W: Do you want kids?- NO!!!
Y: What celebrity you think is hot? -Mark Whalberg
Z:  What do you want to be when you grow up? - journalist , filmmaker,  MAYBE screenplay writer?? :) <3

Poetry's Friday-(Seeking Me so Desperately)

I am the one who should never be judged. I have hated but always loved. Hopeful but hopeless. Depressed but able put on a face of happiness. Though it seems I should declare my feelings of despair, I never asked to be let be. As if they know automatically. Predict , guess have a vision I suppose. Before I came to see you I was in a deep sorrow . as if you dreamt my tears clinching on to life itself. Having unreasonable fears. Although I do put on a facade........

Ebonni Watford The Proud Insomniac

So if I hadn't mentioned already, I have INSOMNIA. The definition of insomnia is the inability to sleep or get enough of it. I haven't been able to sleep real good ever. My mother me in the womb Tossing and turning. So this has always been a problem for me. I've tried everything but nothing seems to work. It never really bother me though at times it was a pain. I would keep up everyone and be so sleepy for school. I was at times a big help.  When I was a kid I would be the last to fall asleep at sleepovers. I would unlock the door for the girls when they wanted to sneak back in. I would stay up with my parents on road trips and make sure they didn't fall asleep on the road. I could finish essays or papers ( if I wanted to) I was up already might as well. It came in handy believe it or not. It wasn't until I started to write that it actually had some kind of purpose. My mind is just much more open and wide when I'm up all night. My mind is like a pond and I'm just fishing for ideas. All of my blog posts are usually at night. I mean I rarely have anything positive to say about mental disorders in general especially mine. It's not too bad , I like it.

Poetry's Friday ( Whimsical Dreams)

Whimsical Dreams.
All I think of is what may be.
She and Him.
Maybe you and me?
Smiles so bright.
Beautiful night.
Charming prince.
Why do I feel this?
In a distant.
What shall be?
Too much thinking.
I love you!
You love me?
Silly questioning.
So many things.

Sorry, I Didn't Put You First :(

Today at 7:43pm I'm just now getting started on the blog I created! I'm seventeen years old and I need to get it together like today. 

                        I don't have ADHD even though I literally have every symptom. I just often get distracted and I procrastinate a lot. It's normal, but it gets me into a lot of trouble. School, friends, and family are just a few things that get pushed off to the side because I get sidetracked. My grades are really bad because I give up too easily on my homework and go find something else to do. My friends get neglected because I forget to ask how they are doing every once and awhile. (just got distracted) I should say hello first but I never do. I don't keep in touch with all my family  and before I moved back to Illinois I honestly didn't speak to them at all. If I were them I would think that I didn't care about them but I do! I know it's completely normal to get caught up in random things in your room once and awhile and not call my aunt. I GET THIS!  I over think things and what if one day it's not a phone call it's the stove, my car keys, or even my wallet (which by the way has already happened) . Stuff like this makes my transition into adulthood even more terrifying. I need to get it together. Also I have to take my blog more seriously and start promoting it. I want people to know about what I do and I want them to take a look at it. Find some kind of courage and tell them.  " I write". I can do it.

                Also if you are reading this and wondering why I don't keep in touch with you. I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten about you and you are special to me. Say hi and send me a message so we can turn this thing around and become best friends again, trust me I miss you more. I'm not bold and I'm very passive. I can't speak up first because I think you might get annoyed at me. I'm sorry it took so long for me to acknowledge this and I'll work on it,promise. I love you and sorry I didn't put you first.

Poetry's Friday ( A Trip)

A trip.
A wish
To experience the days I missed.
The air.
The breeze.
I must leave.
A sun.
A star.
A moon.
Leaving my room soon.
Some wings.
Some dreams.
The air.
The breeze.
A sun.
A star.
A moon.
A trip.
A wish.
To leave all of this.

Changes

Since I came back home my mind has has been filled with thoughts about everything. Mostly about why the things that have happened to me were the most important. I sat down with myself and began to think, " what would I be like if the events in my life had not happen to me?". What If I hadn't met him or her? What if did or didn't do that, how different would my life had been? The events in my life (although some unfortunate ) have shaped me. I remember a science fiction term that always made the most sense when I thought about something like this. The Butterfly Effect, mostly used when talking about time travel. When going back in time travelers had to make sure that they were very careful not to mess up anything in the past. "Something as simple as stepping on a butterfly could change the course of time". A butterfly could change the course of time just as anything else. If one thing was different in my life how different would it be? Well if I hadn't move I would still be in this same place with the same friends. Maybe I would have been happier than I am now.  When I was 10 years old I was a very happy kid I had a three best friends. A lot of people liked me in my small town. I guess I was  occasionally a annoyance but with time I would have eventually grown out of that.  I would still have the same friends (I know that because they're still going strong ever since I left). I went to the hospital because I was depressed about moving so no moving, no depression, no hospital. It sounds perfect and when I used to think about it that way I would wish for some type of Time Machine. I was so angry with the people who moved me around so many times against my will. I didn't ask to be here, I could've stayed where I was. I cried about it a lot until however I had some time to myself and began to think. Those people who taught me so much about life don't all live in the same place. I had to leave in order to meet them you see. When I came back home I was informed nothing had changed. I couldn't believe it that in 7 years  that my home hadn't  made any progress like myself has. Though it was right not a single thing was different.  The place looked,felt, and smelt the same. The people were different my friends from years ago.  Though no one is the same at 10 as they are at 17. They weren't the same people I knew in school. They were not people I wanted to be friends with anymore. They all were all just alike and I was nothing like them. If I would have stayed maybe I would have been like them. When I came back and began to see that I hadn't left I wouldn't have met those friends. The ones who changed the way I see life. I've never been outside the country but I've met people from different ones. They took me with me them when they told me their stories about their lives. Hearing about others experiences changed the way I saw mine. What their mistakes were and how they wanted to change them. My life was hard though theirs seemed a lot harder. I wouldn't have made it it if I were them,though they did so I should. The ones who were my best of friends who taught me about things I didn't know in life. Who kept me inspired, who loved me, who laughed with me, who spoke to my heart and made me feel special. Who kept my mind open and my heart wide. Who taught me what it feels to love and lose someone.  It never gets easier to say goodbye because it's never easy to change. Although it's very hard to change, we need it.