Letter To Myself

 

You are kind and loving person who gives too much to people, you spoil them.  I've noticed a trend with you and people. You give them all you have and share everything with them and they use you. It upsets me a bit to know that people are this way with you. I know you’re just trying to help and be nice but its best to calm down. There are several events where I think you got hurt. Like the time you gave your friend fifty dollars to buy her mother a gift. She never paid you back and she consistently made fun of you afterwards. Or your other friends who you told all your secrets to, only for them to get angry at you and tell the whole school them.  Most importantly your ex-boyfriend, who you gave absolute nothing less than everything to, who now ignores you when ask “what’s up”. He’ll be the one to make you realize you’re doing too much. That you need to question peoples (especially that display romantic interest in you) intentions. If they care about you or not. Do they show it in their actions? Do they make you feel unworthy or inferior because you’re different?  Do they care consider your feelings valid? Do they think your thoughts and views are important? The most important lesson of all is to give people time, to get to know the person. It’s very possible to love someone immediately after getting to know them for a while but it is also important to stay cautious of others.  Having Social Anxiety is hard in the mix as well. You want people to like you and love you so you try to make sure it happens. No matter the consequences as long as you’ve proved your loved to them. It’s not healthy to give so much you are only one person.  I think as a friend and as partner love, affection and time is what’s most important. If they need more you can always help every once in a while. Make sure its mutual too, that you’re not the only one giving.  People who truly love you won’t make you try so hard, you’ll just know.

 

Why people suck and you don't.

I've been picked on for as long as I can remember. From everything to the clothes I wear to the tone of my voice. It wasn't until middle school I started getting bothered by it. Also it was happening more frequently and at the time I couldn't understand it. Before this I wasn't used to being bullied. I fell into a deep depression and was very suicidal. I eventually got help for that. Although the bullying did make me very self conscious and insecure. I would also like to credit it for my recently developed social anxiety. The whole time I was going through this I was thinking, Why do people do this?  Why do people hurt others? Why do people bully? They do this because they suck!

Number 1 reason why people suck and you don't : Miserable people try to make other people feel miserable. To make themselves feel better. I'm not gonna lie to you like your third grade teacher and say it doesn't help because it does. It's like having so much built up anger and then throwing all on someone else to have. Although what kind of person does that make you? A coward who can deal with their emotions? The concept is quite juvenile don't you think? Find your path to getting out of your misery. 

Number 2 reason why people suck and you don't : You're more kind. This is just an assumption for all I know you could be a major meanie In most cases bullies like to pick on the weak and sweet. Let's think about this for a second. Who takes out time in their day to make others unhappy? When I was going through a hard time I just kept reminding myself to stay nice. Being nice was already in my personality and wasn't in me to be that way. Also you don't want to be that way. Remember they suck, you don't. 

Number 3 reason why people suck and you don't : You're perfect just the way you are. I was told a lot when people would pick on me that they were jealous of me. At first it was hard to believe because I really never saw any reason for anyone to be jealous of me. Low self-esteem can make you believe that you are worthless especially since you have a bully helping you think that way. Well I'm here to tell you are not, you're perfection. Why are you so perfect? It's because you're you and no one else is. It can often make others uncomfortable seeing so much perfection that they try to destroy it. So you can just be like them, a person who sucks.  

Although maybe people don't suck, maybe they're just like you struggling to live in this world and don't know what to do. Even though it's hard you have to be strong and try to find a way to deal. Life is going to be filled with lots of people who are weird, strange, odd, annoying and different. It’s not our place to make them feel uncomfortable or worse about themselves. Stay KIND and treat people with the utmost respect. Love people as family and most of all DON'T SUCK.