The Discharge Date

When I was 13 old I started going to Mental Health Hospitals. It was a really hard time for me,I spent my 14th birthday there. I remember sobbing when my mother came to see me. That day I mentally promised I would NEVER come back to this place again. I was there for about a week and a half when they decided what my Discharge Date would be. If you don't know already a discharge date is the day the hospital decides to let you go home. I think almost everyone  who comes in automatically anticipates this. I know it was all I could think about for 10 days. Honestly I never really paid any attention to any of the things they teach you while I was there.  When I left I thought to myself,  "this is the first and last time". When I returned to school I lied and told everyone I was sick. Not a lot of people know about my hospitalizations, I'm embarrassed of them.  I moved on with life for about a month, then I lost it. I had to go back ,I couldn't believe it. I was angry with myself, "how could I be so stupid". I thought for sure those two times were enough, but I went back and forth 8 more times. I mean I lost all hope in any progress in my behavior. I felt like every discharge date was a new begging, but it felt more like time off till I returned next time. Though I knew the last one would truly be The Last One. Not one day in the year 2011 I went to school because that year I kept going to the hospital. This has effected me so much more than I thought it would. I nearly missed all of 9th and 10th grade. I didn't have to many credits either and as far as understanding anything was the worse. Being considered a 9th grader when you really are a 11th grader is Embarrassing. I was odd and awkward in school. I felt misunderstood like the real world was not were I belonged and the hospital was. This made me feel even more depressed than I already was. Though I kept trying every day to mold myself into someone I would be proud of and with time I did. Sometimes I feel as if though when I last left the hospital that wasn't my only discharge. Emotionally I was still was locked up inside hating not only my life, but myself. I felt so different from everybody else,I wasn't normal. When I decided though to live with my circumstances and accept my life for what it was. To Look at it from a different perspective and most of all optimism,that was my discharge date. I don't feel like going back to any of those times in my life again.